Oh No! Gaara and Kankuro's first cooking lessons!
by hikari107
Summary: Before thier sister leaves for a long business trip, the brothers are subject to her cooking lessons so they can survive her absence! What chaos will ensue next? Edited. Chapter 7 up!
1. Why they even needed lessons

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

An average day at the Sand sibling's house. Right? Wrong. Temari was scheduled to go off on a business trip , traveling around the five shinobi nations for one month to gather data on how the people were living and then write out a report. Problem? Just listen to their ranting and you'll know.

"Dammit Gaara we practically can't survive without Temari to cook for us! We'll starve!" exclaimed Kankuro, shaking his poor younger brother violently. "I know we're short handed at the moment but you can't send our sister! I am not eating out for a whole month, it's expensive!"

Gaara seriously contemplated demoting Kankuro to Chuunin for shaking him like that. He felt like barfing from dizziness, but if he made a mess on the floor, Temari would kill him. He preferred to die of old age then by being squashed flat by a seventy pound iron fan. He pried Kankuro's hands off his Kazekage robes.

"Listen Kankuro, I've worked something out. Calm down," he said calmly.

"What?"

The brothers got pink aprons thrown in their faces by their sister. Remember, she hadn't set out just yet. It was a week and a half before she was due to.

"Hurry up and change into something you don't mind getting dirty, then put those on," she snapped. "Your cooking lessons start in five minutes in the kitchen."

Kankuro stared at his brother with wide eyes.

"You got Temari to teach us how to cook?"

The latter nodded, uncertain of his brother's next reaction. The guy was unpredictable. They both gulped. What kind of teacher would she be? Most probably one that would scare the crap out of you with a single devilish glare. They proceeded to their rooms to change, then to their first cooking lesson.

A/N: Review if ya want.


	2. The lessons begin!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Temari turned out to be a nice teacher to her brothers. Only they didn't like how she addressed them while in the kitchen. They got to know first hand what it was like being a beginner in the army.

"Okay cadets! I'll be teaching you how to cook rice without a rice cooker."

Now you know what they had to put up with. And another thing. They also had to tolerate the pink aprons they had to don. Temari had a Prussian blue and white gingham apron on. And she considered herself colonel. If the color of the aprons represented their rank, would a general wear something like a gaudy orange apron with hot pink stripes and light blue frills? Gaara did not want to imagine Temari with something like that on as he washed the rice according to his sister's instructions. They would turn green with puke if he did.

"Put your finger on the surface of the rice once you're done, Gaara," requested Temari. "Kankuro, you get some water over and pour it into the saucepan until it reaches his first knuckle."

The aforementioned middle sibling, being too lazy to fill up a jug with tap water, simply grabbed a flask from the counter top and poured it in. Unfortunately for the youngest Sand Sibling, it was the flask containing the hot water meant for coffee and tea.

"! That hurt! Wrong flask you moron!" angrily exclaimed the red head, holding the scalded finger dearly.

"Bear with it,or do you need sister dearest to kiss it better?" retorted the brunette. This earned him looks of contempt and hits on the head from both siblings.

While the rice cooked on the hob, Temari taught them a simple dish to go with the rice: a simple chicken stock based soup. The sister held up a single, small cube wrapped in foil just high enough for her brothers to see.

"This, my boys,is a chicken stock cube," she explained, unwrapping it. "It is something people used to cheat at making stock. It cuts down hours of cooking time to just a few minutes. You guys are using this instead of the usual stock ingredients because I can't be bothered to teach you guys the traditional method." She let the boys touch the little cube. Soft, light brown and crumbly. She wrapped it back in the foil.

"Kankuro,boil about two cups of water in a one liter saucepan," she commanded. "Gaara, you toss the cube in when it starts bubbling like its going to explode."

He did, only while he was cutting up potatoes and carrots for the soup, causing a mini tidal wave and sending drops of boiling liquid into his brother's eyes. He gave Temari a sheepish look when she scowled at him, their brother in the background, frantically shouting,

"MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!"

Gaara had to do kitchen cleanup duty after the lesson.

A/N: Whaddya think? Again, review if you feel it necessary.


	3. The horrors of cooking fish

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Kankuro and Gaara stared blankly at the fish their sister had set on the wooden chopping board.

"Lesson two,cadets," she announced, setting a large kitchen knife in front of them. "Meat and fish. I'll teach you how to prepare fish first, since its tougher and I'm in the mood for seeing my brothers squirm."

They watched as she produced a pair of scissors from behind her back and set it in front of them.

"Cut the tail into a neat v-shape, Kankuro," she commanded. "And snip off the fins' spiky bits. Gaara, once he's done, pry open the gills, then reach in and rip 'em out."

"Bare handed?! You want me to rip out part of a fish's insides with my bare hands?!"

"I do it every time we have fish for dinner. Especially the bare handed part. Now act like a man and don't reach for a pair of latex gloves."

The boy gulped. Any gore during his battles was usually rid off by his sand. He'd never touched it with his hands before. Kankuro would've been used to it though, having to clean any blood and bits of kami-knows-what out of Kuro Ari after a mission. Kankuro looked up after he was done with his task, signaling for Gaara to proceed with his own. The author will not describe the following scene since this fanfic IS rated 'K'.

Gaara washed his hands thoroughly afterwards to clean the blood off—it reminded him too much of having Shukaku around—then watched as Kankuro performed his next task, which was to cut a long slit along the fish's belly and remove whatever was inside. It made his task seem easy. Finally. Gaara had to scrape off the scales and make deep cuts in the flesh so heat penetrated it easier. An easier task than the previous one. Temari gave a loud clap.

"Next up,cadets," she announced. " We're cutting the fish up further so we can deep fry it with breadcrumbs."

Oh no. More cutting. Hopefully it didn't involve anymore gore. Again, the process shall not be described. Afterwards, Temari taught them how to remove the skin and bones, then washed the fillets and patted them dry after getting her brothers to cut them into bite sized portions. She got them to heat up an amount of oil in a wok, then set up three extra plates; one lined with kitchen paper to absorb excess oil after the fish is cooked; one containing an egg which she got Kankuro to beat with a pinch each of salt and pepper and one particularly larger one with a thin layer of breadcrumbs.

" Make sure your hands are clean, then thinly coat one portion in egg. Let the excess drain off back into the plate, then coat it in breadcrumbs," the blond instructed. "When you see a slight haze above the oil, drop it in. Be careful though—the oil spatters."

The boys complied,then ran like the wind behind their sister when the oil bubbled and sizzled and spat,inciting a soft chuckle from the girl. The last time she saw such behavior was when the brothers were small and she had just started trying out deep frying. They had been watching curiously, big, shiny eyes wide open,wondering what their dear sister was up to. When the first piece of food got submerged in oil, the liquid as it did now, spattering and spitting, frightening the poor boys out of their skins . They sped as fast as their then tiny legs could carry them,hiding behind their sister and clutching onto the fabric of her dress.

Temari enjoyed the short moment that they hid behind her now, then shooed them off and continued with the rest of the lesson.

A/N: I think the last part was sweet. I simply had to put it in. Again, review if you wish.


	4. Ah, the wonders of cooking meat

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

" Next up:meat,namely beef and chicken," announced Temari as she watched her brothers finish off the fried fish she taught them to prepare. They had a bit of a problem with the oil, but soon lost their fear of the spattering, spitting hot liquid. The boys wondered what she would teach them after she allowed them to try their own cooking and eat the fish. Truth be told, they were pretty good.

When Kankuro looked away, Gaara took one of his share of the fish and ate it quickly,before the older brother noticed anything. The brunette found out anyway, because in his haste, the red head had choked on his little prize and was coughing violently, trying to dislodge it.

Temari noticed her poor youngest brother and quickly performed the Heimlich maneuver, going behind him before thrusting her hands into his chest. With a loud 'Oof!' from the boy,the offending piece of food shot out from his mouth, splattering into a chewed up,saliva filled blotch on the whitewashed kitchen wall. Kankuro gave a small smirk.

"Guess crime doesn't pay, little brother."

Temari sent her brothers to go wash up before beginning part two of their lesson, then sighed and cleaned the spot on her wall with a tissue.

The brothers watched as their sister set a brown paper parcel, tied with string, on the counter top in front of them before snipping the string with a pair of kitchen scissors, revealing a large piece of raw beef which looked like what you would get if you hacked a person with a small behind's butt off and removed the skin and fat.

"There are different names for different parts of the cow which the meat came from," explained Temari. "Though this is looks like a butt cheek gone wrong, it is actually the cow's cheek, which we call the 'chuck'. It's a choice part,being tender and easy to digest and cut."

Kankuro rolled up his sleeves, then grabbed a kitchen knife.

"So, sis, when do we get to the slicing and dicing?"

She held up a hand.

"Not so fast. I have to teach you two the right way to cut it."

Gaara had a most curious look on his face.

"There's a right way to cut it, yes!" chirped the sister. "It can mean the difference between chewing on a tough piece of meat and a tender one."

She pointed to the meat and ran a finger down its length, gesturing for her brothers to observe. She put a kitchen knife along the meat's breadth.

"All cuts," she began, " are to be made at a right angle to those little lines you see there, called the 'grain'. It works."

She set the meat on a wooden chopping board and the pushed the knife's blade down into the meat. The boys watched, then tried it out before Temari taught them a simple stir fried beef dish.

After the beef dish, Gaara and Kankuro watched as Temari set a wooden chopping board with a large raw chicken, head and all, in front of them. The red head poked it. Moist and fleshy.

"Time for poultry," announced the sister, kitchen knife in hand. "First off, you'll have to remove the giblets. That's the inside of the chicken."

A gulp from the younger but no response from the older one. Insides again?! The older sister gave her youngest brother a sly smile.

"Oh no...you don't mean..."

"Yes, you're the lucky chump who has to remove 'em. But later. First, we remove the head, neck, part of the legs , the tips of the wings and the fat around that cavity."

She passed the knife to Kankuro and he did his job. Now Gaara had to do his.

Yet again, the scene will not be described. Temari got Gaara to wipe the whole chicken dry with kitchen paper.

"I'm not teaching you guys how to properly dismember it since you can figure it out yourself and besides, Gaara needs a break from blood and gore," she announced. "So I'm just teaching you two something that sounds fancy but isn't and requires the whole chicken. Roast chicken."

_How could roast chicken __**not **__be fancy?_ Thought the brothers. Temari took out a variety of fresh herbs from the refrigerator, some butter, and a large lemon. From the kitchen cabinets she found a medium sized saucepan and a wooden spoon. The butter was peeled away from its packaging and thrown into the vessel,while the herbs and lemon were placed on a separate chopping board, a plastic one. Kankuro was passed the wooden spoon; Gaara was passed a paring knife and fork.

"Your next job, Gaara, is to mince the chive, parsley and other herbs and pass them to your brother, before repeatedly piercing the lemon with the fork," the red head was told. The blond turned her attention to the brunette.

"Kankuro, you are to beat the herbs into the butter until the latter is soft, is that understood?"

"Yes ma'am."

Gaara minced up the plants in no time at all,venting his frustration at how he'd just enrolled himself in a culinary boot camp, as did Kankuro as he beat the herbs into the butter. Temari had to stop them before Gaara liquidized the herbs and Kankuro melted the butter.

After the pierced lemon had been stuffed into the cavity of the chicken and the butter mixture smeared all over it, the chicken was placed into the oven to roast, being basted with the juices every fifteen minutes or so for an hour. When it was done, the brother s slumped against the kitchen walls, relieved that the day's lesson was over and wondering what the next lesson would be like.

A/N: Again, review if wished. Sorry it took me so long to update.


	5. Aargh! Vegetables!

Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto.

Gaara and Kankuro donned their pink aprons,ready to start their next lesson. Temari sat cross legged on a chair in a corner of the kitchen, already wearing her gingham one, absent minded-ly twirling a paring knife in one hand before throwing it at Kankuro.

"Catch!"

Kankuro managed to, though only barely. He glared at her.

" Did you just try to kill me, 'Mari? Are you drunk?"

A smirk.

"You're a shinobi,aren't you?"

"Cut the crap. What's today's method of torture?"

With a tilt of her head, Temari motioned for the brothers to turn their attention to the kitchen counter top.

Oh crud.

There were veggies. Lots of 'em. The very same stuff she had tried to make them eat since she first took over the duty of preparing their meals. The problem? The blond usually made them eat their cooking.

A gulp from both brothers, then the dreaded announcement of the name of that day's lesson.

"Lesson three, cadets. Vegetables."

Little wonder as to why the sister was smiling. She could finally make them eat a vegetable that wasn't potato! Gaara spotted a small tetra pack of single cream near a head of broccoli and stuck out his tongue.

"Eew. Are you going to like, make us eat broccoli ice cream?!"

A haughty laugh from you-know-who.

"Of course not! I'm making you drink broccoli soup. Don't worry, it doesn't taste so bad."

_That's what you tell us __**every**__ time you force us to eat horrible, green, leafy vegetables. _Thought Kankuro, swallowing hard. Gaara mimicked his elder brother's movements.

Temari got up from her seat, stretched, then ambled over to the counter top.

"Let's start, my precious younger brothers."

Gently, her tan hands pushed some of the ingredients to one side until only the big head of broccoli, two large potatoes and the cream were left. The brothers assumed that they were the ingredients for the soup.

"First off, the veg. You two aren't having 'em raw, though. Wash the broccoli and potato and then peel the skin off the potato with the veggie peeler that's on the table. You'll be swearing in appalling long lengths if you try to peel 'em cleanly with that paring knife, Kankuro." She turned to Gaara. "Your job, Gaara, is to handle the broccoli. Once the veg is washed, borrow Kankuro's paring knife and hack offthe florets. Throw away the remaining stalk –it's tough. Make sure you do so evenly. Same, for you,Kankuro, when you dice the potato into cubes."

The boys grumbled, but did so. It would help them survive her absence later, the reason why they were having the lessons in the first place.

"Okay 'Mari. We're finished," they called out once the work was done.

Their next instruction was to boil the vegetables until they were cooked. Ten minutes for potato,five for broccoli. Gaara and his elder brother placed saucepans on the hob, then filled jugs with water, a jug a brother. Seeing all that water from the tap pour into the jug made Kankuro feel like relieving himself, so he left his jug by the hob and made a dash for the toilet.

Unfortunately, the absent minded puppeteer had already turned on the stove and while he urinated, a small fire heated up the saucepan.

A couple of minutes later, Kankuro washed his hands with plenty of soap before pouring the water inside, causing it to sizzle wildly, create a bit of smoke and then let's just say the kitchen smelled like it was on fire (A/N:This happened to me too!).

Kankuro gave a sheepish grin as his siblings turned to scowl at their fumbling brother. He closed his eyes tightly, expecting to be hit, but neither sibling touched him.

"We'll forgive your scatter brained blooper this time," said Temari, letting out a soft sigh. "But right now, get back to your boiling."

He needn't be told twice.

Once the veggies were cooked, Temari reached into the kitchen cabinets,and,heaving, pulled out a contraption.

"This, cadets, is called a blender. We use it to puree stuff in double quick time,"she explained, connecting it to an electrical socket.

"Put the veg in this, replace the cover, than hit 'puree'," they were instructed.

The brothers complied, then backed off when the machine roared to life, frightened. They watched, dazzled,as the veggies got minced into little bits amidst the whirring of the blades, then into a thick green liquid.

Temari picked up the tetra pack of single cream and snipped off a corner with kitchen scissors. Putting it down, she grabbed a salt and pepper shaker from the spice rack, as well as a grater and a large, dark brown oblong nut.

"Remove the inner cap, then sprinkle in a pinch each of salt and pepper, a grate of this nutmeg here, and slowly pour in the cream till I tell you to stop."

Since she didn't mention who was to do what, Gaara and Kankuro assumed that they were to assign the tasks among themselves. They debated, And debated. Finally, they decided that Gaara was to remove the cover and add the nutmeg while Kankuro was to add in the salt,pepper and cream before letting Gaara put the cover back.

When it came to Gaara's adding of the nutmeg, his sister gave him some words of caution.

"Don't add too much--just a little will do. Nutmeg taste good, but it's poisonous. Very. Two whole nuts can kill a man."

A terrified expression from the red head.

"WHAT?! All this time, people who've been eating nutmeg are consuming poison?!"

A shrug from the blond.

"It's fine, so long as you don't eat a lot at one go."

A little while later, and then the soup was done. What happens next is in the next chappie...

A/N:Whaddya think? Review.


	6. Pizza time!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Well,it wasn't so bad. At least they lived through consuming that pale green substance Temari called broccoli soup. It was the only veggie dish they liked so far anyway. Why didn't they listen when she tried to convince them as kids that what looked like puke was actually good for you? Next up was part two of the lesson. Wonder what dish their sister was going to throw at them next?

Five minutes after their sister had disappeared from the kitchen on the pretext of needing the latrine, she re-appeared, scratching the nape of her neck.

"Sorry guys," she apologized . "I can't come up with anything simple for you two to make with veggies, so I might as well teach you to make veggie pizza straightaway."

The brothers gave each other looks of happiness. Oh boy, PIZZA! The mention of the word brought back a flood of childhood memories of being shown tiny, uncooked pizza bases and then being allowed to spread on pasta sauce and whatever type of topping they wished. Kankuro usually piled on lots of sausage and pepperoni; Gaara put lots of cheese, usually white mozzarella.

After Temari had snapped them out of their daydreams with a loud clap, the boys turned to the counter, now occupied with bags of flour, a bottle of olive oil, a jar of olives, measuring jugs, sachets of instant yeast and the usual toppings for pizza (pasta sauce, cheese, sausage...) with two extras, being white button mushrooms,one green capsicum, one red capsicum and one yellow capsicum.

Wait, capsicum?

Oh no, she wasn't going to let them off easily. This was the 'veggie' lesson after all.

After washing their hands, the brothers watched as their sister lay a plastic chopping board on the counter top. Paring knives were passed to them.

"We'll prepare the topping first. First, the mushrooms. Wash 'em thoroughly to remove any dirt, especially around the root and gills. Then, wipe 'em dry, lay them on their side, and chop off the woody stalk. Finally, slice the caps thinly and put 'em in that bowl."

Five minutes later, when they were done, Temari examined their work. Not too shabby, though it looked like they tried hacking the mushrooms into bits with chainsaws on overdrive.

"The capsicum next, cadets. Wash them, then cut off the ends. Neatly. Now rip out the insides. Make one nice cut so the resulting ring becomes a long, thick strip, then julienne it. Toss 'em in another bowl."

The boys followed her instructions exactly until that last part.

"Wait, Temari?" came Gaara's quizzical voice.

"Yes, Gaara?"

"What's 'julienne'? Do we need to get someone named 'Julian' and get him to do stuff?!

"No darling. It means you have to cut it into strips."

Gaara shivered slightly. Nobody had called him 'darling', before, but he guessed he would have to get used to it.

Then, he noticed his sister remove a small, light brown sachet of yeast from under a pile of veg, then fill up a small bowl with warm water. Nothing wrong with that, until she got Kankuro to open the sachet.

"Oh, Kami, someone died in here !" the brunette exclaimed, backing off. Gaara felt sick.

"And I'll be the next one to die," the red head wheezed. The sister seemed undaunted by the smell.

"Oh, poo,"she said in disdain, "Are you guys men or what?"

" We're boys,"they retorted, " Very sensible boys."

Both got smacked upside the head. Temari handed the open sachet and measuring spoons to Gaara.

" Go on. Tip a teaspoon of the yeast in the water."

He wanted to retch from that funny, pungent scent wafting through his nostrils and was hesitant. He didn't want to ruin some nice, clear water with something that could be described as stinky sand. It took guts, but a minute later, the job was done.

"Took you long enough," yawned Kankuro.

" You want to try, punk?" sneered the other brother.

" No thank you. I want to live."

The sister brought out the flour, sugar, salt and olive oil. Then, she consulted her mental cookbook.

"Two hundred grams of flour,sifted, a teaspoon of sugar, half a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of dried oregano. Mix those all together boys, then slowly mix in a tablespoon of olive oil and the yeast mixture. With your hands. Make sure you've kept them paws clean."

Oh no. It was the fish lesson all over again, except worse. They gulped, then washed there hands and mixed. Five minutes later, they were done.

" What do we do now?" Gaara asked Temari.

"We wait," she replied, " until it doubles in size, about two or three hours. Wash you hands, take off the aprons and go play a game or three."

Finally, they were going to get some rest. Ripping the pink aprons off, they made a dash for their rooms and took a nap.

Two hours later, they were violently shaken awake by their sister.

" Come," she cooed excitedly, " Come see how big the dough's gotten!"

Sure enough, it seemed the mixture had inflated.

"We just made a hot air balloon!" squealed Kankuro. Then Temari went over and flattened the dough with a punch which could knock a person flat. The brothers stared at her, wide eyed in horror.

" Are you out of your mind?!" Gaara exclaimed, running towards her and contemplating sending her to a mental hospital.

" We waited so long for it to rise!"

" You're supposed to, silly," she smiled, "Now you boys have a go."

They did, albeit with a bit of pain in their hearts.

The sister dusted her hands off.

" Now, its a ten minute wait. Afterwards, roll the dough out, prick it with a fork repeatedly, and add the topping,veggies included, boys, or this wouldn't be the 'veg' lesson. Go crazy with everything else, though, I allow you to."

Ten minutes later,Gaara and Kankuro complied. When it came to putting the topping on though, they employed a clever trick- they hid all the veg in between the cheese and the tomato sauce base. Pretty sneaky.

After the pizza was baked, the brothers let it cool slightly, then tucked in with great fervor, much to their sister's amusement. It served as their dinner that day.

Author's note: Okay, I know, its been an abysmally long time since I last uploaded . Put it down to writer's block, school work and a laziness almost on par with Shikamaru's. As I write this, it is currently Temari 's birthday! Three cheers for the bossy older sister! Oops, I think she heard that...

Anyway, I'm getting a bit worried about how people treat this Fanfic. It ain't a cookbook, mind you, but the recipes are real. I tried the pizza and fish recipes myself, both turned out great. There'll be recipes concerning (almost) everybody's favorite food, chocolate, next. By the way, if anybody wants to know, I read the Sand Siblings' biographies. Gaara's favorite foods are gizzard and salted tongue, his least favorite are youkan (sweet bean jelly, I hope I spelled that correctly) and marron glaces, or candied chestnuts, Temari's favorite foods are roasted chestnuts and vegetable soup. She detests squid and octopus, like my brother. Kankuro's weren't stated. Have fun!


	7. The birthday cake

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Gaara tapped his foot impatiently on the tiled kitchen floor, frowning at the earth haired teenager in front of him.

"You're late, Kankuro. Look, if we don't manage to get Temari's birthday present done in time, she catch us in the act once she's home from her mission and laugh at us for the rest of the week."

Kankuro groaned, then reached for Temari's gingham apron. No way was he wearing the pink one this time. Before he could do so though, it got snatched away by Gaara.

"Uh uh, you certaintly don't want to make the Kazekage wear pink, do you?" he teased.

_Well, I certaintly do,_ thought Kankuro angrily.

_Silly little show off of a brat, thinks that he can throw his weight around._

He noticed the red head search through a shelf in the nearby living room, before triumphantly finding a magenta cookbook entitled , 'Baking for beginners'.

He blew the dust off it. Hey, Temari was a beginner at baking at the age of twelve. She would be twenty years old with this birthday.

Gaara brought the cookbook into the kitchen, then flipped to a page with a recipe for chocolate cake on it, together with the recipe for frosting.

" 3 eggs, 175 grams of baking chocolate, ¾ of a cup flour, ¾ of a cup sugar and ¾ of a cup butter for the cake," the red head read aloud. Kankuro rummaged through the kitchen cabinets and got the ingredients.

"What was after the sugar, Gaara?" he asked , his head hidden behind a cabinet door.

" ¾ of a cup butter," the Kazekage replied, "You got that? Good. Now for the frosting..."

"That can wait, little bro. Finish the cake first."

"Seperate the eggs," read Kankuro, having snatched the recipe book from his brother rather rudely.

Gaara complied, being extra careful not to get any yolk together with the whites. The next step was to beat the whites until they turned really fluffy, and Temari had told him before that if there was even a single trace of yolk or any other fat, the whites wouldn't fluff up. When he was done, the young Kazekage roughly grabbed the book.

"Melt the butter,sugar and chocolate in a saucepan on _**low**_ heat," Gaara read out the next instruction.

Kankuro did so,only he felt the ingrdients were melting a tad bit too slowly.

_Turning the fire up just a little bit higher wouldn't hurt._

Silence.

"Gaara? Is the mixture supposed to look like a solid pile of dog crap?"

"No, its supposed to be a thick , brown..."

The red head looked into the saucepan.

"...liquid. You turned up the heat, didn't you?And to think the word 'low' was in bold italics."

A cheesy smile in embarassment, then a worried look from the older brother.

Both brothers stared at the crap.

"Well?" began Kankuro, " What do you suggest we do now?"

"Dilute it. Get the milk," replied Gaara sternly, poo-poohing his brother's screw up. Milk was poured, then the mix was battered with a wooden spoon. Kanky blinked in shock at what happened next.

"Gaara? I think the milk only made it set faster."

Oh, Kami.

The brothers panicked.

"Quick, you knucklehead! Get the hot water!" ordered the red head.The brunette quickly grabbed a thermos flask and poured some H2O in. Some of it scalded his pinky.

"Ouch!"

The Kazekage wrenched the wooden spoon out of his brother's hands, then stirred as if he was trying to kill the poor mixture. Soon, it was what it should've been.

"Well, is it dead yet?" remarked Kankuro sarcastically on how the red head mixed the thing. There was a smirk, then the red head continued ordering his brother around, oops, wrong sentence. He was merely _giving him instructions._

Yeah, we all know how Gaara's like.

Once they'd mixed in the egg yolks, folded in the egg whites, baked it and then let it cool, it was time to frost it.

The problem? They weren't exactly very good at art, let alone decorating a blimmin' cake, but they woludn't have liked their sister to have a plain birthday cake.

"Well, Kankuro? Any suggestions?"

" I thought you were the genius?"

" I can't be gorgeously smart all the time, can't I?"

Kankuro stared at the cake, rubbing his chin in deep thought.

"Well, the cake could use some sprinkles here and there, maybe a few wiggly lines and shapes in icing too..."

Temari stared at a huge purple mess of what her brothers said was cake on the dining room table, scrutinising the odd patterns on it, which were in every color of the spectrum, even some shades of olive and gray, made from mixing food coloring. It looked like the work of a two year old child, but it was that of one grumpy seventeen year old clad in what used to be a pink apron and a smart alec nineteen year old , also in what used to be a pink apron. She laughed.

"Sorry boys," she guffawed, " But I was planning to go out for dinner instead. We could've bought cake! Ah well, I'm sure once I get through one foot of icing I'll find you two made a wonderful cake. It's the thought that count's after all.Cut me a slice would you, Gaara?"

All three siblings shared a big, hearty laugh.

Kankuro wiped a tear off the corner off his right eye, the result of having laughed too much.

"Okay, sis, but you've got to wait until we've put candles on it first!"

A/N: My younger brother used to call scrambled eggs 'wiggly' eggs, when he was little, it was so cute...

Anyway, Yes, I know, Temari's birthday has already passed, but better late then never!

Again, the recipe used is real, though since I had to recall it from memory with the recipe book missing (again), the quantities may not be accurate. I used this recipe to bake a cake for Father's Day, and I screwed up in the exact way Kanky-chan did. I didn't decorate it like they did though ( I'm an artistic person) and just smothered the whole thing in whipped cream. I am no professional after all, just a kid who grew up around cooking and a whole lotta recipe books.

As for my previous Author's Note,I mentioned that I couldn't find Kanky-chan's favourite and most hated foods. Well**, **thanks to** Ninja-Hidden-In-The-Paddocks **for telling me Kanky likes hamburger patties and hates brussels sprouts (me too! But I don't know what brussels sprouts taste like...), and to everyone who's been reading my stories!

I'm not a particularly review hungry author, but leaving one is appreciated!


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